Dr. Ramani

HOW to PROTECT YOURSELF When Communicating With a NARCISSIST | Dr. Ramani on Women of Impact

By August 11, 2021 Women of Impact

By now, you’re probably proficient at spotting narcissistic behaviors in people and relationships you are involved with. You may notice gaslighting or maybe you haven’t been able to put a finger on exactly what seems to be off, but if you’re honest you know something isn’t right. Spotting narcissism and knowing someone is portraying narcissistic behaviors isn’t enough if you’re going to protect yourself. Dr. Ramani Durvasula joins Lisa for round 2 to break down the rules of engagement. Understanding that some women are unable to get away from the narcissistic relationship they’ve been “stuck” in for years does not call for judgement. As Dr. Ramani clearly iterates, leaving these kinds of unhealthy relationships are never easy, and there is also no need for judgement. The good news is that Dr. Ramani came loaded today with practical tips and advice to give you and the people you love the best chance possible for dealing with narcissists when escape isn’t an easy option.

 

SHOW NOTES:

Words Hurt | Why words hurt more than we like to admit and the damage being done [2:45]

D.E.E.P. | Dr. Ramani reveals the D.E.E.P. technique to shut down narcissists [5:34]

No Leaving | Dr. Ramani explains why some people can’t leave and how they survive [7:25]

Don’t Defend | Why it’s not about being a doormat, it’s about not engaging in toxic routine [8:36]

Firewalling | Not giving away your vulnerabilities and psychological “passwords” [10:56]

Apology Cycle | Differentiating someone who is sorry or a repeat offender to shut down [14:21]

Narcissistic Parents | Why these kinds of parents are tricky and how to deal with them [15:55]

Narcissist Magnets | Why familiarity can be a magnet for unhealthy toxic relationships [18:32]

Happiness | Dr. Ramani discusses if true happiness is possible with a narcissist [22:05]

Staying In It | Dr. Ramani explains why people stay in narcissistic relationships [25:17]

Empathy | Dr. Ramani shares having empathy for narcissist in an empowering way [27:26]

Hangtime | That suspension time of trying to figure out and decide to stay or go [30:27]

Support | How to best aide people leaving narcissistic relationships that are scared [34:05]

Once You Know | Dr. Ramani’s advice on what to do and not do once you know [37:46]

Responding | How to get out of dodge when under verbal attack and hold the tears [44:29]

Good News | Dr. Ramani explains why you never share good news with narcissists [49:04]

Communication | Why it’s best to have surface level conversations to protect yourself [49:35]

Contempt | Looking for the contempt to identify narcissistic behaviors and not engage [51:45]

No One’s Exempt | Dr. Ramani shares how even she still falls for the pity trap [56:16]

 

QUOTES:

“I think some people feel like, beat me with a stick, but please stop. Stop criticizing me, stop undermining me, stop invalidating me” [2:55]

 

“Deep stands for don’t defend, don’t engage, don’t explain and don’t personalize.” [5:41]

 

“What gets challenging with the narcissistic relationships in our lives is you almost have to have two sets of strategies, one set of strategies you maintain in your healthy relationship, and a different toolkit in the narcissistic relationships.” [10:03]

 

“We’re literally more protective of the password we have for some game on our computer, then we are with the most sacred parts of our psyche.” [11:34]

 

“Once you identify the difficult people in the system, you can still be in that system, but you got to be mindful.” [17:32]

 

“We must have tremendous empathy for narcissistic people. Otherwise, we lose the best part of ourselves, and I’ll be damned if somebody who’s toxic is going to be the reason the most beautiful part of myself gets turned off.” [28:33]

 

“Empathy is understanding whatever happened in your story that brought you here, I am so sorry, and I really hope the path forward takes you to a place where you can work on this. I really do, but not on my time.” [28:55]

 

“If you decide to leave them, and they don’t want you leaving, you are in for the fight of your life.” [32:34]

 

“I’m so glad I’m out, but had I really known how bad this was going to be, I don’t know that I would have had the courage to do this.” [33:34]

 

For narcissistic people, it’s really important for their ego to always be in control, and the idea that someone else is calling the shots does not work for them. [37:13]

 

“You don’t want to serve up your pain to somebody who’s going to melt it into bullets.” [46:33]

 

“Your dreams, your aspirations, are sacred spaces within you. Why would you put that sacred space in front of somebody who’s having contempt for it?” [52:57]

 

Follow Dr. Ramani:

Website: http://doctor-ramani.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/DoctorRamanDurvasula

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DoctorRamani

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/doctorramani

Podcast: http://doctor-ramani.com/podcasts-feat-dr-ramani/

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