Esther Perel

Psychotherapist on How to Avoid Pitfalls that End Relationships | Esther Perel on Impact Theory

By January 19, 2021 Featured

Can you say with absolutely certainty that you are bringing your best self to all the important relationships in your life? Are you afraid you and your partner are slowly becoming more and more disconnected and aren’t sure how to identify the key problems that could be killing the relationship? Whether it’s at home or at work, we need to be mindful of what makes our relationships thrive and what poses a threat to them. On this episode of Impact Theory, Tom Bilyeu is joined by Psychotherapist, New York Times Bestselling Author, and host of the emotionally raw and tell-all podcasts ’How’s Work?’ and ‘Where Should We Begin?’ Esther Perelto discuss such matters and more as they explore the pitfalls you need to be on the lookout for that might be killing your relationships, connections, or marriage. They discuss the downfalls you need to be on the lookout for that pose a threat to your relationships, what complacency looks like, why so many couples get it wrong when trying to solve their differences, the power of words and the meaning behind them, how culture comes into play in your relationship, how to understand other’s perspectives, and the tools you need to have a healthy and thriving relationship with anyone in your life.

Order Esther’s book, ‘Mating in Captivity’:

Order Esther’s book, ‘The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity’:

Listen to Esther’s Podcast, ‘Where Should We Begin?’:

Listen to Esther’s Podcast, ‘How’s Work?’:


Downfalls | Esther reveals the things that kill relationships. [0:17]

Complacency | Esther reveals the step-by-step process of how complacency creeps in. [2:36]

Blind | Esther reveals why so many people in a relationship fail to see their mistakes. [6:14]

Combativeness | Esther reveals the many dynamics of how couples blame each other. [7:33]

Words | Esther reveals the power of your words and how you frame your problems. [10:03]

Culture | Esther reveals how culture comes into play with relationships. [12:56]

Contextualize Yourself | Esther reveals how we can value things differently. [13:58]

Meaning | Esther discusses the importance of the meaning behind what you say. [17:47]

Business | Esther reveals why so many business relationships fail. [19:54]

Perspectives | Esther discusses how you can begin to see other’s perspectives. [21:47]

Tea | Tom shares a story where he and his wife, Lisa, argued over a cup of tea. [26:06]

Fighting | Esther reveals how we fight over lack of respect and recognition. [28:18]

Roles | Esther discusses roles, expectations, and flexibility in a relationship. [30:27]

Tools | Esther reveals the key tools you can use to get the most out of your relationship. [31:28]

Connect | Esther shares how you can engage with her and continue to learn from her. [33:28]


“So, you really want to make sure that you don’t assume. “I know what you’re saying.” Ask, remain curious at all times. “What does that mean for you and who told you that?”” [13:55]

“The very thing people often come in fighting over is what was once originally very attractive to each other.” [24:13]

“…people fight over three things primarily: power and control, trust and closeness, respect and integrity.” [25:35]




How’s Work:






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