Tom & Lisa

How to Communicate When Your Relationship is Unbalanced | Relationship Theory

Relationships can be so beautiful and amazing. Two people from totally different lives come together and fall under a spell with each other, and life never felt better. As you get deeper into the relationship, you learn more about each other and now have to find ways to communicate and understand each other’s values, habits and quirky ways. When love is not enough to sustain a massive collision of values, how do you respond? Is walking away the best option because you don’t agree or see eye to eye? In this episode, Tom and Lisa take you into the deep end of what it means to “steel man” each other and how to find compromise when there seems to be no room for compromise.. Not surprisingly, at the heart of their advice and wisdom is strong communication with one another. This is what a strong relationship and partnership looks like.



Perception Matters | Understanding how radically different perceptions can be [1:52]

Collision of Values | Find out if you’re on the same page and what you think the other should be doing [7:17]

Communication | Lisa shares how it always comes back to detailed communication [9:56]

Value System | Know your personal value system and how it feeds into your relationship [13:06]

Steel Man | Understanding your partners position, see and understand at their soul level [16:11]

Compromise | Find the tradeoff after sharing each other’s perspectives for path forward [18:51]

Judged Beliefs | Lisa explains why not to judge a person’s belief as right or wrong [22:19]

Malleable Beliefs | Tom explains how beliefs can be changed when held to your values [22:58]

No Judgement | Lisa on how to effectively approach conflict and express yourself [24:03]



“…it isn’t going to be a straight division of labor. So it’s like that we’re each carrying a load that we’re happy to carry.” Tom Bilyeu [8:38]


“If I’ve actually asked you to help […] because I’ve reached out, but it’s not an expectation, I think that’s the difference” Lisa Bilyeu [12:43]


“when somebody gives you the keys of the kingdom, they’ve also given you the way to hurt them” Tom Bilyeu [15:13]


“You have to be able to articulate the other person’s position so accurately, that they feel seen, understood, not judged. Because when you steel man it, you’re not trying to set them up.” Tom Bilyeu [16:58]


“…there’s a lot of power in the being angry about something. Aim it at the behavior and not the person.” Tom Bilyeu [25:11]



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