When someone points out your flaws and tries to put the blame on you for this or that, it’s so easy to feel triggered. When it’s your spouse, your partner, or someone you love that’s doing it, it’s even easier to get defensive and feel hurt. But what if your partner is also doing it in a way that makes them feel great and more amazing in comparison? Tom and Lisa walk through both sides of this scenario for how to cope with being criticized and blamed when you’re being attacked and also feeling attacked. Over and over we come back to communication really being key to a healthy, happy, and long-lasting relationship. Today is no exception, let’s talk about being defensive and the best way to think about it.
Feeling Attacked | Explore why you’re feeling attacked and how to interpret the situation [0:40]
Being Attacked | Tom explains his response if he were being attacked [3:13]
Defensive | Lisa’s advice for not feeling defensive when your intentions fail [5:11]
“I never lead with this person is attacking me, I always lead with why am I feeling attacked?” Tom Bilyeu [2:25]
“If you get what you intended, you have done the right thing. If you do not get what you intended, […] you have, by definition, used the wrong strategy.” Tom Bilyeu [4:10]
“for whatever reason, using that word with me does rattle me, so use this word instead, so I can hear what you’re saying.” [6:35]