Tom & Lisa

How We Found Sexual Satisfaction with Different Sex Drives | Relationship Theory

Dealing with mismatched sex drives can be horrifying, frustrating and a host of other undesired emotions for both partners. How do you find compromise when one partner is in the mood every day, any time ready to go, and the other partner could check in once or twice a week and be perfectly satisfied? In this episode, Tom & Lisa break down advice, solutions, and examples from their own relationship for how to deal with mismatched libidos. They discuss everything from frequency, porn, and orgasms all the way to being absolutely transparent about just wanting to be desired.



Neurochemical Sex Drive | Understanding frequency urges are related to hormones [1:17]

Solution | Dealing with high sex drive and what it means to accommodate a partner [2:53]

Sexually Satisfied | Finding compromise to satisfy each other for mutual benefit [5:02]

Orgasmic Pull | Considering what your partner wants and the bond of orgasm [8:03]

Foreplay | Getting her in the mood begins outside of the bedroom [10:58]

Porn | How viewing porn and received with resistance from some parters as bad [13:22]

Okay To Ask | How Tom & Lisa have agreed it’s okay to ask and it’s okay to say no [16:29]

Open Dialogue | When there is a reason for concern having open communication [19:00]

Desirable | Real talk with Tom & Lisa about changing sex drives and being desirable [21:06]

Men Vs. Women | Tom on the relation between feeling connected, sex, and erection [25:43]

Checking In | Lisa’s advice for regular check-ins with each other about sex and more [27:35]



“if you’re in a committed loving relationship, and you’re not thinking about what your partner wants, that is a Horsemen of the Apocalypse” Tom Bilyeu [7:35]


“I don’t want to do it if we can’t get you interested in the idea.” Tom Bilyeu [11:12]


“once you have to hide something, now you start to feel like it’s taboo, and it’s bad.” Lisa Bilyeu [15:31]


“you shouldn’t have sex if you can’t talk about it.” Tom Bilyeu [17:42]


“guys don’t need to feel connected to have sex, guys need to have sex to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to have sex.” [25:48]


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