Tom & Lisa

THIS Is How You Speak to Your Partner About Your PAST Relationships

Boundaries are absolutely necessary, and without a doubt you should have personal boundaries in any healthy relationship. But what do you do when your boundaries are getting in the way of you creating a relationship? Are you stuck in a place where you want to get into a relationship, or maybe you want to take it to the next level, but you’re stumbling over being too rigid or too laxed on your personal boundaries? Tom and Lisa walk you through several scenarios that may be tripping you up when it comes to setting boundaries and being relaxed enough to give the relationship space and opportunity to grow. As with every healthy relationship, communication is at the center of this issue as well. From being open, to defining types of boundaries, to recognizing your base assumptions, these tips will definitely help you.


Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.



Open to Relationship | Why single person thinking in a relationship defeats the purpose [1:58]

Create Boundaries | How Tom and Lisa established boundaries when they started dating [4:48]

Hard & Soft Boundaries | Why preset boundaries can be a problem and non-negotiables [6:28]

Framing Boundaries | 2 responses to boundaries tested, shut it down vs. maybe later [8:48]

Introducing Boundaries | Lisa’s advice for how to address boundaries at the right time [10:11]

Communicate | How you communicate your boundaries and limits is critical [12:30]

Taken Advantage Of | Why Tom says people don’t take advantage of you they only try [15:15]

Assign Levels | Lisa shares example and reason assigning levels helps communication [18:05]

Base Assumptions | The problem when both people think things are self evidently clear [20:19]

Appreciate Friction | Why friction between people can be desirable & best for attraction [24:07]



“Part of the joy of being in a relationship is to actually open yourself up to being a pair, and you’ve got to want that.” Tom Bilyeu [2:40]


“Be in a relationship, don’t be in a relationship doesn’t really matter, but whatever you do, do it all the way. Like if you’re going to be in a relationship, be in a relationship.” Tom Bilyeu [3:47]


“Setting boundaries beforehand can be a little dangerous, because you may be setting some interest, you may be closing yourself off.” Lisa Bilyeu [7:13]


“It’s not that people are taking advantage of you because you either let that happen or you don’t, but people can overextend.” Tom Bilyeu [16:21]


“We may not agree with each other, a collision of values, but now we can understand each other, and that alleviates a lot.” Tom Bilyeu [23:35]


“Public service announcement: In life, people have got to want a diversity of opinion. You’ve gotta want it. You have to believe that what makes the world work is the friction between competing viewpoints.” Tom Bilyeu [24:13]


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